Flow Not My Tears
Since starting testosterone about five months ago, I’ve found myself unable to cry. It’s not that I don’t get sad anymore. Or that I don’t want to cry. It’s as if the water has been cut off.
I never used to be a dry-eyed person, especially at concerts. I miss it. Listening to music used to be a kind of emotional diuretic for me. Crying, they say, is a kind of self-regulation. It releases endorphins.
If I could cry, I certainly would have at Rebecca Scout Nelson’s concert at Pete’s Candy Store on Thursday, Aug. 31. Not tears of sadness, so much, as the kind that come from great beauty. Big emotions that resist naming.
Nelson played mostly songs from her debut album Do Not Lament. The album is about Nelson’s sister Carla, who died of cancer at only 24, two years before the pandemic.
The band, which differed from that on the album, consisted mainly of graduates from Juilliard’s 415 program:
Nelson on baroque violin, modern acoustic guitar, and vocals; Joshua Stauffer on theorbo and baroque guitar; Cullen O’Neil on baroque cello; Kako Miura on baroque viola and vocals; Rafa Prendergast on baroque violin; and John Stajduhar on baroque double bass.
Born to American musician parents in Germany, Nelson cites Bluegrass as one of her influences. She calls her music “Baroque-infused” folk: Baroque rhythms and basslines with pure, vibrato-less vocals. (Don’t forget that the Historical Informed Performance movement happened alongside the folk revival.)
Billed as “the biggest little venue in NYC,” Pete’s back room feels like a ship’s cabin. Wooden floors, cinderblock walls, and stage lights. By the time I arrived five minutes late, the place was packed.
At first, I couldn’t hear anything from my standing-room spot. But once they closed the back door, the sound improved immensely. The enclosed chamber barely fitting Stauffer’s theorbo neck, wooden pegs brushing against the switchboard.
The first song, titled “I’d Rather Not (Drinking Song),” was a sea shanty. It paired well with the “weather report,” a dark and stormy with tea-infused rum. Even more honey-sweet, though, was Nelson’s voice in “Beautiful Mess.”
Soon, a table opened up, which snagged, just in time for“Consolation No. 6.” It reminded me of John Dowland’s “Flow My Tears,” the band really sounding like a viol consort. With all sorts of commas, breaths, and hesitations.
Do Not Lament, the album, has eight original “consolations.” At Pete’s, Nelson played two. “Consolation No. 5,” in contrast to “No. 6,” was full of toe-tapping open strings. It’s not usually what you think of when you hear the word “consolation.” But what could be a better comfort?
Nelson also played a new song, titled “Home,” with plump bass pizzicatos, a gorgeous cello melody, and staggering swells.
“Now that we have your hearts all tender…” she said, introducing Do Not Lament’s title track.
With heartbreaking lyrics, “Do Not Lament” sounds a bit like a troubadour song: “Behold the tale of Carla the Bold, whose body was a temple of love,” Nelson sings with a Joan Baez-like lilt. “A temple that carried a garden within, with flowers cursed to grow until that temple fell.”
The song ends with a Picardy third: “Do not lament or pity my fate, for death does not define me.” Unexpectedly major in a minor key.
Following “Do Not Lament,” was “Leftover Love” which is about the aftermath of Carla’s passing. Here, Nelson shows the full range of her voice — from flutey upper register to warm chest voice — singing “I belong, I belong, I belong.”
A real treat was Nelson’s cover of Gillian Welch’s “Miss Ohio.” She’s no purist: mixing baroque and modern guitars.
Last on the program was “Chocolate Bird,” which was written for Nelson’s dad as a Christmas present. With imitative twittering in the violins, and double bass drone, the song ended with a joyful Highland dance.
Indeed, joyful is the word for Do Not Lament. Or more precisely, the unexpected elixir that happens when joy mingles with grief.
To uproarious applause, Nelson said triumphantly, “My name is Rebecca Scout Nelson, and these are my friends.” There were tears in her eyes.